The Importance of Friendship in Your 20s
By Stella Violet
Having recently turned 20, I can speak from experience about how to make the most of your “prime” years as a single woman. And, the answer is almost always, not with a man. I cannot begin to even tell you how many times I have been asked when I’m going to bring a guy home and I’m sick of it.
One of my close friends’ mother recently asked her why she had not started dating after we had just returned from a night out. So, like a bunch of rational drunk girls on a Friday night, we stormed her room and told her everything wrong with dating.
If you had listened in on our conversation, you would have assumed we were on trial in a massive courthouse, defending ourselves for our lives. We left feeling like we had won, as her mom had no clue what dating really means in 2023.
Sitting back on this moment, even though the conversation was all about guys and how much they suck, it was something that had brought us all closer together. We ran back to my friends room laughing, then continued to talk about our failed relationships.
This is important to note, because most romantic relationships tend to end faster than friendships. Which is why friendships, especially girl friendships, should never be taken for granted. Because it will really suck one day when you leave all your friends for a man, breakup, and have nobody left to heal with.
It is no surprise that most people can not have it all: close friends, a relationship, and money. However, there is plenty of time for the second option. We are told our entire lives as women that events such as weddings and birth are the most important days of our lives. But I simply disagree with that logic. Since my birth, my favorite memories have been spent dancing to my favorite songs or watching a sappy movie with my girls.
And I feel sorry for those who have missed out. I have had the pleasure of knowing my core “group” for many years now, and I would not trade it for anything. Healthy relationships are formed by people with whom you can argue and reconcile, such as sisters..
I believe the most common misconception about friendship is that you must always get along with the other person. I am here to tell you that it is simply not true. You cannot form an emotional and deep bond with someone unless you have some different opinions. It is natural to have disagreements with those closest to you, especially if you are constantly around them. But that does not mean I would not commit heinous crimes for my friends if necessary.
It should go without saying that I enjoy going out, but the main reason I do so is because of my friends. There is something liberating about hearing your favorite song at a party and then looking over to see your best friend. Even though the pre-games are always 10 times better than the actual party.
Sure, we all find a target and flirt with them all night, but if it turns out to be a total flop, one of us will immediately scare them away. Some friends may wander or go on side missions throughout the night, but we always return to each other.
And morning recaps are always the best, because there’s always five sides to a story, or at least with my friends. We will wake up, still reeling from the night before, and make our way to some sort of breakfast or lunch spot to discuss who did what. Which leads to stories I will tell my future gay son about one day.
It has taken me a long time to figure out who is actually there for me and who is not, but I have come to terms with the fact that I have good people who surround me. Much like an actual relationship, friendship breakups are the worst. Though, they are necessary for learning how people are in life.
The saying, “you are who your friends are,” is so important. So, in order to obtain happiness in friendships, you have to pay attention to who they are. If you are surrounded by ambitious and creative people, you, yourself, will also adapt or at least inherit some of the same traits. The same goes for negative attributes, which is something to look out for. Just make sure you are able to be fully yourself around those you consider friends.
Now, onto a controversial opinion of mine, the “pick-me” girls. Don’t get me wrong, I am a girl’s girl through and through, and I don’t judge any girl I meet. Though, I do have an issue with girls that refuse to befriend other girls.
As women, we are more emotional, or at least I am. And I know that when I have a problem the first person I want to talk about it with is a friend. Men, by nature, are typically not well equipped to deal with situations like these. Though, also by nature, women are more nurturing and empathetic people. And I think it is such a waste to ignore this form of healing and understanding just because you want to appear a certain way or had a bad experience with a girl in the past.
