Dust in the Wind

By Natalie McCarty

My life has been a ceaseless journey of change and evolution, with grief as both my constant companion and formidable foe. Each moment is a fragment of a memory, cherished as if it were my last shared with those around me.

Familiar with the ebb and flow of emotions, I anticipate grief’s familiar knock at my door, often before it echoes through the hallway. I welcome him in, accustomed to his presence, even amidst the company of others who are strangers to him.

In conversations, I extend an invitation to grief, allowing him to enter freely into the sanctuary of my thoughts. I’ve stood by as he unexpectedly visits the homes of my friends, seamlessly navigating the delicate exchange between their world and his.

I am intimate with grief, attuned to his unpredictable arrivals, sometimes without rhyme or reason. Yet, regardless of circumstance, he always finds his way to my door.

I believe as though my close friendship with grief has bestowed upon me a singular vantage point, akin to walking between realms. It’s as if I dwell in the echoes of the past, while the future unfurls with its uncertain promises.

Yet, amidst this temporal dance, I find myself paradoxically attuned to the present moment. I am keenly aware of the nuances of my surroundings, existing in a state of remarkable synchronicity with the here and now.

So in tune with the delicate strands of our existence, I notice the fluttering hummingbird that comes by. Or the song that comes on in the Italian restaurant that has no business being there other than perhaps a comfort to me sent from beyond. Or the way a conversation seems to effortlessly unfold because of a sense of their desire to unravel simply because I am present enough to notice.

Grief has served as a profound gateway to the depths of my existence. While it’s true that at times I find myself engulfed in conversation with him, burdened by his weight, or overwhelmed by the baggage he carries into my home, he has also somehow afforded me more time with my loved ones.

I truly don’t take things for granted. In many ways, grief has emboldened me, instilling a fearlessness that propels me forward in pursuit of my desires. It has fueled my passion, compelling me to work tirelessly to counterbalance its draining effects.

Moreover, grief has gifted me with a genuine love for humanity and a unique ability to empathize and understand others on a profound level. It’s enabled me to ask the questions that often go unasked or equipped me to be ready in sharing the conversations that are so desperately needed.

I believe that the unspoken issue plaguing society lies in its collective struggle with grief. It seems to have visited every home, leaving behind a lingering sense of anger, bitterness, and resentment when denied entry.

However, when we embrace grief, not allowing it to consume us but rather integrating it into our lives, something beautiful emerges. It’s in those moments shared with friends over lunch, or in tearful conversations over coffee, that the true essence of grief is revealed.

In these vulnerable exchanges, community is often found. A bond is forged — a shared understanding that transcends words. It’s in these moments of collective lamentation that grief solidifies relationships, transforming itself from a burden into a companion on life’s journey.

And the thing is, grief is not just a monolithic experience confined to the realm of death. It permeates every aspect of our lives, manifesting in various forms of loss — whether it be the loss of identity, relationships, friendships, love, opportunities, or dreams.

Each form of grief is uniquely valid, deserving of acknowledgment and compassion. Whether it’s the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or the departure of a friend, each instance carries its own weight and significance in shaping our emotional landscape.

Recognizing and honoring the myriad forms of grief allows us to validate our own experiences and those of others, fostering a culture of empathy and understanding. It’s through this acknowledgment that we can begin to navigate the complex terrain of loss with grace and resilience.

I’ve discovered that the most profound friendships and transformative conversations arise from moments of genuine acknowledgment. Neither denying nor succumbing entirely to our emotions is the answer. Sometimes, what we truly need is to sit by the East River as dusk settles, sharing the intricacies of our lives. Other times, it’s pausing at a rooftop party to unveil the thoughts that have been weighing on our minds. Or whatever the equivalent would be for you.

But it’s in those moments that it becomes apparent that everything — the emotions, the present, the fleeting moments — is but dust in the wind. Acknowledging this impermanence allows us to embrace the beauty and fragility of life, fostering connections that transcend the mundane and ordinary.

Allowing grief to linger at times so often enables you to delve deeper into the richness of life.