20 Things I’ve Learned at 20
By Stella Violet
Image Source: Pinterest
I turn 21 this month, and for the first time in my life I’m not absolutely terrified to get older.
My mother told me the other day that some of my articles sound like a 94-year-old woman wrote them, and I just laughed, because some days I do feel like an old woman and some days I feel like a 5-year-old child.
Looking back on this year, I’ve really learned a lot about myself. I look at 19-year-old me and can hardly recognize her, and I’m so fucking grateful.
I crave change; it’s what fuels me.
And, for the longest time I've been so full of spite and pessimism, but this year I’ve noticed a softer side. One I haven’t seen in a very long time.
I’m looking forward to what 21 has in store, and while 20 might seem like a small number, this year has offered me so many lessons that I’ll take with me into this solar return.
I’m still constantly learning, but here’s 20 things I’ve learned at 20:
You Won’t Have Everything Figured Out – And That’s Okay
There’s this pressure to have a set life plan, knowing exactly what your future holds and who you’ll be. I don’t think I’ve ever truly known what I want to do in life, and I’m definitely not sure what the future holds, but I’ve learned, it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Once you get to eighteen, you really notice people’s initial ideas of their futures fall apart. Maybe they decided getting their doctorate wasn’t for them and switched majors, or maybe they realized college isn’t for them at all and started a new career path.
Or, maybe, it happens to you.
This voice inside your head decides all of this time and energy should be spent doing something else, and I mean, you’re young and nothing is stopping you. So, why not?
I definitely didn’t think this is where I’d be two years ago, and I sure as hell have no idea where I’ll be in the future.
Image Source: Pinterest
Friendships Come and Go
I’ve learned that it’s okay to let people go. And, to cherish those who stay. Some people just aren’t on the same path you are and it’s okay to celebrate them from afar. Know your worth and do what’s best for you because at the end of the day, you need to look out for yourself.
Comparison is a Trap
Whether you're comparing yourself to others online or people on the street, you’re ultimately just setting yourself up for failure. Focusing on our own journey’s is so much more rewarding.
It’s Okay to Fail
The biggest lessons usually come from failure, and you just have to accept that it’s a part of life. WIthout failure, there would be no form of success, or at least success that was worth fighting for. Like they always say, “nothing ever comes easy” because if it did there would be no reason to even try in the first place.
Trust Your Gut
Always trust your “gut instinct” wink wink. But, seriously, use common sense when it comes to situations that might seem heavy or give you a sense of uncertainty. More times than not, we know what’s best for us and how to avoid ending up in a bad situation.
Experiences Over Things
I’ve always wanted the best of the best, but this year I’ve learned that sacrificing material objects for memories will always be worth it. That dress or piece of jewelry will always be there but going on a trip with your best friends while you’re young won’t.
Act Your Age
Why are we programmed to be in such a rush to grow up? Sometimes I just want to pack my car full of friends and go run around at the park. It’s okay to be childish and listen to your inner child! Obviously, not every day, but sometimes you need to nurture your 6-year-old self.
Image Source: Pinterest
Experiment with Your Look
Don’t confine yourself to one specific style or at least change it up every once in a while. This is the time to figure out what you like. Mix and match patterns, wear fun colors and always accessorize.
Learning Never Stops
The more I learn from the world around me, the more I realize how much I don’t know. Ask questions and stay curious, that’s what keeps life interesting.
Be Present
It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s next. However, if you stop and look around, maybe you’ll realize how lucky you are to live the life you’re currently living.
Nurture Your Hobbies
Giving yourself a creative outlet can allow you to escape everyday tasks and keep your mind working, in a healthy way. Even if you dedicate an hour a week to something you love outside of school and work, you’ll create a healthy balance within yourself.
People Aren’t Thinking About You as Much as You Think
It’s true. Whether this is in person or online, take that risk or post that video because you never know who you’ll encounter or the effect your actions will have on others. People honestly worry more about themselves, so stop worrying about what they think of you.
Do One Thing That Scares You a Day
Trust me on this one. Think of the scariest, most realistic thing you could do, and do it. Maybe you want to ask out your class crush or maybe you’ve been meaning to check in on an old friend, whatever it may be, just do it. Getting outside of your comfort zone is the easiest way to succeed in life.
Image Source: Pinterest
Put Dating on the Backburner
If you’re already in a relationship, just ignore this. For the rest of you, I promise your person is out there, but why rush? This is our prime, date around and have fun, but focusing on getting to know yourself and working toward your goals will be so much more beneficial to your future.
Go Out!
We are young! Why not? Right now, you have the choice to stay in, but in the future, when our bones are brittle and our muscles are sore we won’t have the option. So, take your friend up on drinks or hit the club and dance your heart out.
Communication is Key
Talking things out is worth it, don’t let disagreements ruminate. An essential factor in growing up and being an “adult” is taking the time to sit down and talk about your feelings and listen to how others are feeling too. I promise it will save you so much time and negative energy.
Things Happen for a Reason
Sometimes it’s the end of a relationship or the loss of a loved one, and god is it so painful. However, in time, there will be a lesson or reason, maybe it’s a spiritual or religious one or maybe it presents itself in the form of a new friend. Don’t focus so hard on the “why,” but focus more on how you can move forward and prevail.
Prioritize Your Parents
As time goes on, parent’s get older and when you reach 20 it’s important to remind your parents of how much you love them. They are dealing with the loss of your childhood and may no longer feel needed. Give your mom a call and tell her you love her.
Image Source: Pinterest
Network Your Heart Out
Create relationships with everyone around you, especially if you’re in college. You never know who may help you land a job in the future or who you can call up to ask for advice. I think people forget that people our age are the future, and we need to stick together.
Don’t Run from Change, Embrace It
My final lesson is to know that things won’t always stay the same forever, even if you desperately want them to. It’s the most heartbreaking lesson I’ve ever learned, but if you just accept it and know that change isn’t always bad, it makes the next time just a little bit easier.
I used to believe that when things were perfect, that something terrible would come along and take it all away. But, I’ve realized that sometimes something even better comes along, something that you would’ve never expected.
I’m so grateful for change, and for the risks I’ve taken this year. Without it, I would’ve never been a part of Gut Instinct, and, without it, I would have never gone out of the country, or made new friends, or done things outside of my comfort zone.
I won’t lie to you… I’m scared. Scared of what change will happen when I graduate, and what change will happen when I decide it’s time to leave my hometown. But, I’d rather be scared than stagnant and left with “what ifs.”
Here’s to 21, and here’s to so many more life lessons.
