Sex and the Situationship: Who Was Really Better For Carrie?
By Amy Walter
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It has been a year since I finished Sex and the City, and since then my socials have been swarmed with edits of the iconic foursome. But more specifically, Carrie’s two love interests Mr Big and Aidan Shaw. Much like Twilight’s Edward or Jacob debate or Bridget Jones’ Diary’s Mark Darcey versus Daniel Cleaver, the battle of Carrie’s love that scoped the six seasons, 2 movies and now reboot, remains a divisive topic between fans.
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For example, my mom thinks that Aidan was the one for Bradshaw and originally I agreed with her. Aidan was Carrie’s knight in shining armor. In comparison to Big, “he was warm, masculine and classic American” in the writer’s eyes. With his cabin in the woods, shaggy dog and furniture store he completely contrasted Big’s rough and cold exterior. He remained the more level headed character throughout the show and one of the only love interests in Sex and the City that fans didn’t come to hate, cough cough Richard Wright cough cough Steve. Yet, after watching the six seasons twice, my opinion has changed.
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The truth is that Carrie never loved Aidan the way she loved Big. Imagine Aidan had pulled a stunt like moving to Paris or marrying another woman, she would’ve washed her hands with him. But no. Big was different. He was Carrie’s American Dream with his penthouse apartment and forever elusive job. The epitome of New York glamour, mirrored by his inability to provide stability for Carrie, forever out of reach. In opposition, Aidan was forever at an arm’s length.
This being the very thing that made Carrie and Big so compatible. They both always wanted what they couldn’t have, whilst Aidan only ever wanted stability. Throughout the run of the show and two movies, the two could not stay apart. Whether the other is heading to Paris or in a committed relationship, the two always found their way back to one another. This came to a boil in season three when Carrie, whilst with Aidan, had an affair with Big who was married to Natasha at the time. Yet, despite the sacrifices of the two, they remained on and off for the rest of the show.
For many, they are the epitome of the toxic relationship. Carrie realises this as she writes, “Me and Big weren’t us anymore. We had become something else. What it was, I had no idea.” And, Carrie, your answer is the modern day situationship. Forever bumping into one another in a local restaurant, talking about them constantly to your girlfriends and not being able to stay away from them, no matter the toxicity.
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In some ways, Aidan also wanted an ideal of Carrie that never truly existed. He wanted the girl-next-door who loved the country whilst Carrie Bradshaw was a girl who loved the city and cosmopolitans. Even when he invited her into his world of log cabins and fishing, Big remained a haunting presence. Much like Carrie’s promise to stop smoking, she couldn’t quit Big or her old lifestyle.
So, Big and Carrie were destined, even in the films, and despite him getting cold feet and embarrassing her (again,) the pair have been golden for the last ten years. Forever united by their love of material items, fancy bars and infidelity. But the show-runners couldn’t let Carrie Bradshaw have her happily ever after, as with the release of And Just Like That… Mr. Big was killed-off in the first episode.
Now, there are two arguments to why this took place. One, and the more obvious, is due to the allegations of sexual abuse against Chris Noth (the actor who portrayed Big.)However, showrunner Michael Patrick King assured audiences that it was always the plan to kill Mr. Big early on in the reboot. The aim being to make the show new and exciting again by enabling Carrie to navigate a new part of her life, without Big. But as one man left her life, there was only one man set to return: Aidan Shaw.
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As far as the original show, Aidan never stood a chance, forever compared to the man that always had Carrie’s heart. Whenever Carrie was with Aidan, she couldn’t help but wonder, ‘What is Mr Big doing right now? And why isn’t he with me?’
