Why Liam Payne’s Passing Was Personal: A Reflection on Parasocial Grief and Relationships

By Natalia Chairez

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The first time I found out about One Direction, I was 11 years old. I remember logging onto the family computer to watch their music videos and hour long compilations of 1D funny moments. It was probably the first time I ever developed what I thought was a bond with them. I believe I was conscious enough to know I would never be their girlfriend like many fans envisioned, but they were more like a third space. 

They were an escape from my real life narrative and experience. I still laugh thinking back to my mother asking me if I wanted Harry Styles’ face on my birthday cake one year. 

Later throughout the years, I shifted interests and became a 5 Seconds of Summer fan (diehard may I add), but the years I obsessed and swooned over the 1D boys were still special to me. I went on to feel all the emotions and invested so much of my time for a group of boys who I knew had no idea, and likely would never know, who I was.

It was an era of my life that I would never take back as it was the placeholder in preparation for the years to come. 

But even though I drifted apart from the 1D fandom, I still cared about them and their musical endeavors. So did everyone else. I would listen to the last album they’d ever release as a group with a bittersweet disposition. I held onto the nostalgic and youthful memories of being obsessed with them fondly and knew that they would go on to do bigger and better things. 

So you’d imagine my shock when I opened Tik Tok on Oct. 16 to find out that Liam Payne had died falling off a balcony from his hotel in Argentina. 

The first instinct many had, including myself, was to not believe it. 

Being Gen Z, I still remember when celebrity fake deaths became the norm and even a funny joke to some. It made me a bit numb to these kinds of internet phenomenons. But something about going onto Google and seeing the news headline next to the official Wikipedia page for Liam Payne with a death date felt chilling. Through the many tears from fans on social media, there was this silence in the air that day that will never be forgotten. 

The casual white noises of my apartment complex went quiet. From the rustling sound of the cars on the busy streets to the creaking of the walls; the world went quiet. But why?

Celebrity deaths are far from something new, but the reason this was a different phenomenon was because the loss of Payne meant it wasn’t just present-day fans who lost someone, but the inner child in the peak of their careers lost someone too. But that’s where the conversation of parasocial relationships begins.

When we think about the concept of parasocial relationships, it's one that has caused a lot of conversation with both evolved and unevolved perspectives.

There’s the side that is adamant about drawing the line at privacy and decentering celebrities from the pedestal they tend to be put on, while others claim that is part of the many aspects of fame that celebrities have to deal with.

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When it comes to Payne, this argument was no different, especially with the underlying accusations against him and history of bullying from social media. Because of this, many online users have a hard time understanding how so many people could mourn the loss of someone who ultimately wasn’t a good person due to their past alleged actions. 

The thing is, Payne’s death meant that fans were losing much more than the person he was right before, but every stage of him that fans got to see and grow with. 

It signified as a reminder that One Direction would truly never be in the same place again. Fans who were once the innocent brightly lit adolescents were now grown adults seeing someone they watched grow up alongside them go. It’s mourning the more innocent version of them, or them at their peak when most fans were also in the prime of fandom-hood.

Something that also is chilling about the passing is how young he was. He was only 31. When most people think of the deaths of celebrities and musical legends, it’s expected to hear about it once they’re much older in life, and usually caused by old age or some sort of medical complication trickling from years prior. 

Most people weren’t expecting to hear of the passing of a One Direction member until they were around 80, perhaps 70, maybe even 60. At least old enough for a potential reunion of some sort. 

But never 31.

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The bottom line is, there was so much more that passed on than just Payne. It was the joy that was once shared amongst many younger fans and what was their escape from the reality of their lives. Believe it or not, the boys were a safe haven. Fandomhood has grown to be so much more than obsessing over a celebrity because they’re attractive or you like their music. It’s become a sense of community shared amongst many with the same interests and values, as well as having the same idolization for someone who was a big part of childhood. I don’t think of myself as a fan, but the young 11-year-old girl who saved every magazine scrapping of the boys in my room.

That’s why it’s safe to say that Payne’s passing felt personal. But ultimately, life goes on.