The Dawn of the Situationship

By Natalie McCarty

As I sat sipping my morning coffee after a night out at Barney’s, pondering the intricacies of modern romance, I couldn’t help but wonder: when did the love letters get lost in the mail, and the phone started dinging at 11 PM with a simple “You up?” What happened to the days of flowers on the first date and candlelit dinners?

Do men engineer this air of casualness between parties out of fear, afraid to show their true feelings? Or perhaps it’s simply a symptom of laziness, a reluctance to put in the effort required for genuine connection.

And let’s not forget: has a woman ever dared to initiate the situationship? How is that even a real term we use? It seems we’ve traded grand gestures for fleeting moments, genuine emotion for convenient connections. But amidst all the confusion, one thing remains clear: in matters of the heart, the search for authenticity persists, even in a world that seems to thrive on ambiguity.

Unfortunately, I’ve found myself tangled up in more situationships than I am willing to admit, and honestly, I’m not even sure how any of them happened. It’s like I blinked, and suddenly I went from a long-term boyfriend to a fling, then fell right into the murky waters of situationships and everything in between.

Let’s call it like it is: a situationship demands the same effort as a real relationship, but without any of the essential elements — boundaries, rules, respect, communication, clarity, trust, or loyalty. It’s masquerading under a different alias–assuming that it’s something genuine in its intent–when, in reality, it’s just a tangled mess of emotions.

By definition, a situationship is a “relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.” So, the definition of a “situationship” is–within itself–an absolute joke. Why? Because the definition of a relationship is “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.” So honestly, how can a relationship be unestablished when the relationship EXISTS.

Also, the interesting thing is that I’ve never been one for dating apps. Call me old-fashioned, but I crave the meet-cute, the charisma, the gut instinct that tells me this could be something truly special. Unfortunately, I’m also a terrible texter, which doesn’t bode well for the digital dating scene.

So, I fear even though I stay far away from the apps (though I do understand the appeal for people, I am not saying they’re bad… I used to work the PR team for a dating app… I just wasn’t a user of it… anyway…), somehow, I’ve found myself in a few situationships.

I’ve always been clear that dating someone and being in a relationship are two different things. Dating involves going out, making plans, enjoying each other’s company — there’s a purpose. But a situationship? It’s like being stranded on a deserted island of emotions, with no clear way out. It’s this impenetrable fortress of feelings and things left unsaid.

And let me tell you, once you’re on Situationship Island, you don’t come back the same. You’ve shared a life together, without the commitment, leaving behind a pool of hurt and resentment that never truly fades.

I don’t know how society allowed us to get into this mess, but it’s time to take a stand. The serial situationshippers out there are investing in multiple people at once, sharing a myriad of lives and lies, and yet they remain ALONE. It’s criminal.

So, what’s the solution? Cutting them off completely seems to be the only cure, as painful as it may be. A situationship has no conclusion. It’s always a mess. So I guess all we can do to eradicate the complication of it all is to quite simply be the one to set the boundary and the intention.

And if you are currently in a situationship, I am sending you all my love. I promise–someday–it will end (for better or worse) and you will be free.