Paving the Road As First Gen Students
By Diana Vidals
“Sometimes I feel like I’m on Mars here!”
I had just finished my second year of college and sat talking with another student at my school. It was our first real conversation, started with some awkward recaps of our semesters, but after some prying we both revealed our discontent with our college experiences, opening the floodgates for feelings I’d been silencing for two years.
Our complaints seemed similar, alienation from other students, failure to find a place and an overall distaste for campus life in general.
In the midst of my long list of complaints, I suddenly blurted out, “But it is such a privilege to be here.”
It truly is a privilege to sit and complain about not fitting in at college. The daughter of Mexican immigrants, a first generation college student, who attended public school all her life, in college! What a feat!
I began my first year of college in August of 2022. My mind was buzzing with excitement about what my college years would be like, the people I would meet. But this excitement was soon replaced with the feeling that I didn’t belong.
I looked around and it seemed like I was the only one who felt this way. On top of this was the overwhelming feeling that I needed to perform, I needed to be perfect, smart and educated. I had earned my spot at the school but now I needed to prove why I deserved it in the first place.
Along with this came the complications of navigating basic college things like registration and financial aid. With no one to turn to or ask, I spent so much time researching and harassing my poor advisor with questions. While I was so lucky to find people who were kind and helpful, I was also met with doors in my face or the quizzical “How don’t you know this? Everyone knows this?” face followed by the stinging burn of embarrassment.
I couldn’t possibly complain at home, not when I cried upon receiving my acceptance letter. Not when I was balancing a part time job as a full time student just to attend. Not when so many before me worked so hard to get me to this opportunity.
Paving the road is hard. It’s isolating and scary, and at times, it feels impossible. But what a privilege it is to be the first.
I am now in my third year, fingers crossed I’ll be graduating early this Spring. It is still scary, it is still confusing but it's also beautiful and exciting and rewarding.
It can be hard to take up space in an environment so unfamiliar. But our voices, our stories, our experience matter. I have since learned to battle this feeling of isolation with proud displays of my culture, in my clothes, in the things I discuss, in the topics I research. These small things open up doors and make space for others.
I applaud all of those who like me are finding their footing and paving the way for those after them. With recent events, there is so much left in the air for us and it seems like the journey will get harder, but we’ve never shied away from a challenge.
Ánimo! We’re doing amazing!
Diana, age 5 ready to tackle Kindergarten fully equipped with a Hannah Montana bag
First day of College, no Hannah Montana bag but we’ll be alright!
