Finding Love in the Digital Age

By Stella Violet

It’s no surprise that nearly three out of 10 Americans have used dating apps, and you’re either one of them or know someone who uses one. And Gen Z has built somewhat of an unspoken guide on what apps produce specific outcomes. For example, Tinder is mainly for hookups, Hinge is for something more long-term and Bumble is for making friends. With dating apps being the main source of meeting a potential lover in the digital age, it has made ‘meet cutes’ a rarity.

Lately, people have debated whether dating apps have lost their spark. This debate has gone so far as reaching major news outlets like CBS, WIRED and Rolling Stone. Now, for the age range of 18–25, it has become apparent that love is more complicated to obtain than ever. So, what does this mean for Gen Z later on in life and for future generations? Well, I believe the answer is far more than a ‘yes or no,’ so here are my thoughts on finding love in a digital age.

I’m no stranger to dating apps, and I’ve tried all the major ones: Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble. At one point in life, I had all three downloaded at the same time. When I first started actively using them, I was 18, but now I’m 20, and I rarely use them.

I remember the first few months of using Tinder and Hinge specifically. I was excited by all my options and would get a rush when I got a match with a cute guy. Now, it feels like a chore to go through my matches and decide who I could see a future with. Half the time, I go on dating apps, respond to a few people and don’t respond for weeks. There is something about having the apps downloaded for so long that makes me lose more interest by the week.

From experience, the more time you spend on dating apps, the more you realize how much people lie. Whether it’s about their intentions when meeting up, how they look in person, or anything and everything about their personalities, it has almost become impossible to meet someone genuine online. And the normality of using these apps is slowly ruining my generation’s perception of love.

The most considerable double innuendo is that the “next best thing” is at your fingertips. Sure, your heart is broken, so you go straight to your phone and find another lover. But what happens when your heart is broken in the first place because your partner had the “next best thing” at their fingertips during your relationship?

I’m not saying that it is a guarantee that you will be cheated on because of dating apps, but they have made it way more accessible for people to cheat and get away with it. This also coincides with a decrease in self-confidence. The thought of knowing there is someone out there who is better looking than you and not knowing how many other people your new match is currently talking to can eat a person alive.

The internet has also created distance between people and how we show love. I’ve noticed that when I’m on a date with someone I met online, it always lacks genuineness. I know this should be a given, but it’s like I talked to you for weeks on the phone, and now we meet up in person and are strangers all over again. Most dates are generally awkward, but that feeling is heightened when it happens to be someone from the internet.

Don’t get me started on hook-up culture. Let me preface: I believe everyone has a right to knock boots with no strings attached, but my god, is it exhausting. Most of the time, I cancel because the coordination alone feels like a scheduled appointment. It’s like, whose house are we meeting up at? How am I getting there, or vice versa? How will I get home, or how do I tell this person to leave because I have class in the morning? I just feel like hooking up with a stranger online takes away the thrill and lust of what a hookup is supposed to entail.

Also, why are there so many rules when it comes to dating now? When is the right time to “soft launch,” and what exactly should I post to get that message across? How often should I post my partner and vice versa? Do I have to tell my followers when I break up with someone? And how soon is too soon to take down all of my photos?

And my least favorite thing about modern love, labels. I don’t understand what a “short-term” relationship is or why a grown man is calling one or two hookups with me a “situationship.” Honestly, this might be “old-fashioned” of me, but I think you’re either dating or hooking up with someone. This whole, “let’s not put labels on things by putting weird labels on things” thing is getting old and honestly cringe. It’s also an excuse for men specifically to use on women to get all the benefits of a girlfriend without having to commit and act like a boyfriend.

So, how do you find love on the internet? Well, it depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for something casual, browse Tinder and find someone attractive because if it’s casual, you should focus more on their face than their personality. And, if you’re looking for something more long-term, go on Hinge. See if you can find someone you can talk to online for a maximum of two weeks, meet up, and always ensure you know what they are looking for before meeting up. And, if you’re like me and you’re looking for something in between a relationship and something casual, good luck.

It’s a really weird world, and everyone is experiencing dating in a digital world for the first time. I’ve heard so many success stories, and I know it’s not as impossible as I’m making it out to be, but I want you to know that I, and many others, are struggling to find love. Keep an open mind and open heart and for all my girls out there, don’t let a man you met online ruin your perception of love.